


Quiet Intrigue

by TheClassics4



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 09:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheClassics4/pseuds/TheClassics4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isabelle’s past relationship was abusive and destructive. She moves away to college, determined to start over. There, she meets Elliot, someone completely different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Elliot is based loosely on the idea of who would pre-cursed!Rum be in Storybrooke. I also saw a pic of RC in 'Go Now' and this is what came about.

“You have everything you need?” Isabelle’s father stood next to the bed, smoothing out the blanket nervously. The small dorm room was dark, her lamp not yet plugged in. There was a window, but the overcast sky did little for lighting the room.

It wasn’t a homey room, nothing like the house she’d grown up in, but it wasn’t a prison cell either. She could spend the next four months here.

“Yes. I have my clothes, my textbooks, my phone.”

“I’m going to miss you.” He stepped forward and pulled Isabelle into the hundredth hug they’d shared that day.

“I know. I’ll miss you too.”

“You call us every day and make sure to study and—”

“Graham, stop smothering her,” Emma walked into the room, carrying the final box. Her son, Henry, followed, his nose buried in his phone. The box contained the last of Isabelle’s clothing. She set it down on the edge of her bed and stood up with a sigh.

Isabelle’s father ignored his wife and placed a hand on her shoulder, “How do you feel?”

“Okay,” Isabelle said firmly.

It was the first time she would be away from home and to be honest, she hadn’t felt ready to move away. But this school, three hours away from her Storybrook home, had given her a full-ride scholarship, including room and board. With no other money to pay for school, she accepted.

She didn’t regret it—she would be glad to leave bad memories behind—but it would take getting used to being without her father.

“Hon, I think you’re more upset than she is.” Emma came to stand in front of her and with her hands on Isabelle’s shoulders, she smiled. “We are gunna miss you.”

“Me too,” Isabelle said and hugged her. Usually, Emma wasn’t a very affectionate person, barely giving handshakes, but today, she embraced her step-daughter tightly. Emma straightened Isabelle’s hair when she pulled back and smiled again. Her father had moved and was pushing Henry toward them. Isabelle and Henry had never really been close. They’d only known each other a few years, since their parents got married, and they had yet to ‘click’ as her father said they would.

Henry had put his phone away and was standing a bit awkward. Their father shoved him at Isabelle and she caught him as he stumbled into her. It amounted to a satisfactory hug and when he pulled back, he smiled with a ducked head. “See ya,” he murmured.

“See ya,” she repeated and met her father’s eyes again. They were teary and he couldn’t resist pulling her to him again.

“Alright, hon,” Emma said, prying him from her. “That’s enough hugs.”

But Isabelle could have stayed in her father’s arms a few seconds longer.

“I guess it is time we should be going,” he said with a sad smile.

“Yeah.”

Isabelle walked them down the stairs and they paused outside the door. Other students stood there with their parents as well. It could have been worse. Parents around her were crying, kids were crying and Isabelle was glad she’d kept her emotions from getting out of hand. Her father didn’t hug her again, but squeezed her shoulder. “I guess we’ll be seeing you.”

“Yeah.”

She watched them go, Emma waving from the passengers’ seat. For a moment, Isabelle stood next to the road. The air was cool, unlike it had been in the previous months of summer. It felt nice so she decided not to go back inside.

As they’d driven here, she’d taken note of where the library was and that was where she headed. She had her map in her pocket, in case she were to get lost, but she didn’t need it. The library was enormous and she spotted it immediately.

On the way, she passed the Greek houses. Isabelle kept her eyes low and folded her bare arms over herself when she passed the fraternity and was whistled at. Her throat closed at the sound and she hurried on without pausing.

The library was not old, but it was not new. It certainly fit the campus: red brick façade, shuttered windows, and empty brass tables set out in the courtyard. Isabelle already knew it would be her favorite place.

She opened the door and silently peered in. There were two floors, the bottom filled mostly with tables and a few computers. Upstairs was where the bookshelves stood and after a bit of aimless searching, she found the stairs.

When she was finally immersed in the bookcases, everything Isabelle felt was lifted from her. She lost herself in the maze of books, taking any that looked promising from the shelves. Finally, when she couldn’t hold anymore, she found her way back downstairs and sat in one of the small armchairs. The stack she set on the floor almost came up to the armrest, but she curled around herself and opened the first book.

By the time the librarian came to tell her the library was closing, she’d almost finished it entirely. There was only one other person in the library as she scanned out her books. A man sitting in the corner, pouring over a mess of papers, squinting through his glasses. Isabelle watched as the librarian quietly whispered to him.

He nodded and held up a finger and when the librarian assented, he pushed up his glasses with a knuckle and looked back down.

“Have a good day,” the librarian said as Isabelle left.

“Thanks, you too.”

Outside it was dark. Instead of going back the way she’d come and walk past the frat house, she went a less direct route. It took longer, but was worth it. When she came through the door, there was a large crowd of people standing around in the front lobby.

Isabelle tried to push her way back to her room, but she was stopped.

“Hey! I don’t think I’ve seen you before!” A tall girl with long hair stopped her by the arm and Isabelle fought the urge to jerk her arm away. The girl looked nice enough, a bit flashy with the red streaks in her hair, but nice. “I’m Ruby.”

“Um, Isabelle.”

“Cool!” she said, “You want a drink?”

“Oh, uh no. I’m only nineteen.”

“Honey, it’s college,” she said with a little laugh, “Wait here.”

“I—” Isabelle started, but the girl was gone. Isabelle stood for a moment, clutching her books. She didn’t want to be here. Crowds made her uneasy. It was rude to leave, but that was what she did.

When she returned to her room, she toppled the books onto her mattress and sighed. Classes would start on Monday and she didn’t want to spend her last school-free weekend partying. She wanted to spend it the way she wanted.

But, as soon as she’d read the first page, there was a knock on the door. There was always a little fear when she opened a door when she was alone, but she pushed it down, knowing there wouldn’t be anyone dangerous behind it. And she was right.

Ruby stood there, two plastic cups in hand, hip pushed out and eyebrows lifted.

“How did you—”

“Everyone in the building is out there. Your light is on.”

“Oh.”

Ruby leaned against the doorframe, “Are you really gunna spend the night in here?”

“Um…I guess not,” Isabelle said.

“Good!” she chirped and held out one red cup.

“No, really. I don’t drink.”

“…Okay,” she said and her smile was right back.

With a final glance back into her room, Isabelle locked the door and followed Ruby back out into the lobby.

“So you’re from Australia?”

“Yeah, I grew up there.”

“That’s awesome! I’ve never even been out of the state.”

“I barely remember it.” They arrived back and it looked as if the size of the crowd had doubled. The doors were open and the gathering spilled outside. Music had been put on, loud enough to be heard, but not loud enough to drown out voices.

“Oh! Maggie!” Ruby called, waving over someone behind them. “Maggie, this is Isabelle.”

“Hey,” Maggie said, she had short black hair and wore a knee length floral dress. Isabelle instantly liked her. Something about Maggie reminded her of home and made her feel at ease.

“Oh! Archie!” Ruby called, and with a wave at them, she’d flitted across the room.

Maggie laughed, “Sorry about her. But Archie is kinda the love of her life. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Oh, well I guess we shouldn’t stand in the way then.”

“Yeah,” Maggie said and sipped her cup, “So are you a freshman?”

Isabelle laughed, “Is it that obvious?”

“No, it’s just your so tiny!” Maggie said and giggled. “I just assumed.”

“Oh, I know I should have worn heels,” she said, laughing.

Maggie was easy to talk to—easier than anyone back home. She was dating the student body president, and was here for him. Usually, she spent her weekends at the diner down the road. She promised to take Isabelle sometime. Parties like this, Maggie informed her, didn’t happen often. Tonight was a blow out for the end of summer. Things would be back to normal by tomorrow.

When Maggie checked her watch, Belle realized that the party was starting to wind down. The room was still packed, but most of the bodies were lounging on the couches. “I should find David. But hey, you should give me your number and I’ll call you.”

“Okay,” Isabelle thought for a second for her phone number. She’d barely gotten a phone and had to claw the numbers from her memory.

“Awesome,” Maggie shut her phone off and looked up, “Oh, there he is. I’ll see you,” she hurried over and caught a man’s arm. He looked just like she expected he would. Tall and blonde and if he hadn’t smiled when Maggie touched him, Isabelle wouldn’t have known how she would have felt about him.

But the tall blonde man wasn’t who caught her attention. He was talking to a man she recognized from the library. His glasses were what she instantly recognized and she watched him for a minute. He was smaller than David, thinner and shorter and he smiled at Maggie when she interrupted them.

When she gestured over to her and both looked up, Isabelle searched for something that would explain why she was staring. Finding nothing, she waved sheepishly. Before turning, she met the man’s gaze, which had rested on her. Because of the lighting, his eyes were dark, but still soft when he looked at her.

Biting her lip, she made her way back to her dorm room.

She double checked the lock before changing, then climbed into bed with the book. It wasn’t until 4 AM that she realized she should go to sleep.

It was strange trying to sleep in this new bed. It didn’t help with her dreams or her thoughts. Nothing ever did but she’d learned to live with them. Books helped her to forget, which was why, when Isabelle turned off the light to sleep, she couldn’t help feeling her chest tighten. It was dark and when she closed her eyes, she couldn’t keep her thoughts from reliving that night.

Finally, when she couldn’t keep her tears back any longer, she switched on the light and retrieved her book. It was light outside when she finally felt tired enough to sleep.

***

Isabelle had three classes on Monday. Literature, history, and biology. Biology had been first and it was at eight o’clock. She was going to have to find a way to sleep. That first day, she hadn’t been able to focus. She had no memory of what the professor said. It was not how she could spend the entire sememster.

History started in the afternoon, four hours after biology, and she started back to her dorm, intending to get more sleep. The campus was busy, but she was too tired to take notice of anything but her feet.

That was why when she crashed into someone and her lose fingers instantly dropped the heavy load of book to the sidewalk. She stumbled, but caught herself on her knees before she crashed entirely to the cement.

“I’m sorry, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I—I’m fine,” Isabelle said, blinking. Knelt in front of her was the familiar face she’d seen more than a few times around. He was gathering the books around her and when he looked up, he paused.

“Uh, here,” He dropped his eyes again and held out the books to her, giving her a small smile.

“Thank you.”

“No problem,” he said and she heard a lilt to his voice and he met her eyes again. He was on his feet before her, but he took her elbow and helped her up. “I’m Elliot.”

“Isabelle,” she said, hugging the books to her chest.

“Yeah, you were at the party on Saturday. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Staring at her feet, she tried not to look too uncomfortable. He wasn’t moving and she didn’t either.

“So, uh, heavy course load?” he asked.

“Huh?” She looked up and saw him eyeing her books. Most of them were novels she’d gotten from the library. And though, she knew she wouldn’t have had time to read them during class, she’d brought them anyway. “Oh, no. Not really. These are for me. I don’t have much homework yet and I have a lot of free time. I mean, I’m making friends but—” Isabelle stopped herself, unsure of why she was rambling.

But he was listening to her attentively, the corner of his mouth slightly raised and she felt she needed to finish her thought, “But, I, uh…they’ve been busy…”

“Yeah, college life.”

“Right.”

“Do you—” he cleared his throat. “Nevermind. I’ll see you.”

“Yeah.”

It had been obvious what he’d been about to ask, and Isabelle wasn’t sure exactly how she felt. She hadn’t dated anyone since Gavin. But even in the few minute’s she’d spent speaking to Elliot, Isabelle knew he was nothing like her old boyfriend.

She had told herself that here she would try to get over him and what he’d done. College was a place to start over. She just needed enough bravery for three seconds to ask him.

Turning, her heart beat wildly. Elliot was still close, but getting further. “Are you—”

Thankfully, he stopped and turned, obviously not expecting her to have said anything.

“Are you busy?”

“Right now?”

“Whenever,” Isabelle said, biting her lip.

“Yeah, I’m free now,” he took a few steps toward her, smiling. Isabelle smiled back, “Coffee?”

Her heart was still hammering madly when she nodded, “Sure.”

“Here, let me get those,” he said reaching for her books. Quickly, she held them out to him so he wouldn’t touch her and they started walking.

It was easier to build her courage when she kept talking so that was what she did. Elliot didn’t seem to mind her chatter and answered every time.

They paused outside her dorm and she hesitated at opening the door. He still held her books. Isabelle turned to him after she’d unlocked it. “I’ll take those. Just one minute.”

Behind her, she left the door open and she listened for any sign he was following her. There was none. She set her books on the bed and, glancing over her shoulder, saw Elliot standing in the doorway, looking down the hall.

Shutting the door caught his attention and he smiled, “Do you have anywhere specific you like?”

“I don’t know. Where’s good?”

His smile widened, “I know just the place.”

‘Just the place’ was about five minutes off campus and was hidden between a tattoo parlor and a thrift shop. It was crowded inside, filled with students. Elliot offered to let her wait at a booth and get their orders, but the prospect of sitting alone at the table left her nervous.

“So, you’re…Scottish?” Isabelle guessed.

“Yeah. You’re Australian.”

“Right,” the line moved a bit and they took a step. “What made you come here?”

“My ex-wife moved out here. I wanted to be closer to my son.”

A son? That was not the answer she’d expected. He certainly was older than her and she supposed, old enough to have a son, but it still came as a bit of a shock.

It must have been obvious on her face, because he cocked his head to the side. She shook her head and smiled, blushing. “I—I just—you have a son?”

“Yeah,” Elliot said, he was trying to keep his tone light, but she could tell he was regretting his words, “Teenage pregnancy. Teenage marriage. Mid-twenties divorce.”

“Oh.”

A quiet pause settled over them and, though she wanted to speak, Isabelle couldn’t think of what to say. It wasn’t the fact that he had a son which had stuck with her. It was the fact she was still considering dating him. Before, she wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with a father—would have found it too strange.

But even with a son, she found she still liked Elliot. It almost made Isabelle like him more. He was not just another college kid. He wasn’t just another guy like Gavin. Isabelle had wanted something new with any guy she was going to date. This was new. 

“How old is he?” She asked, looking into her cup when he paid.

“Thirteen in a month.”

They retreated back out onto the quiet street, but he was still shifting awkwardly when he spoke, “Well, I’ll see you around then.”

Elliot started to turn, staring down into his cup. Isabelle stood, a bit shocked, and when he didn’t turn back, she called to him. “Wait, you’re going?”

Pausing a bit, he half turned, “Well, you…you seemed a bit put off. By my son.”

“Oh.” She said and he turned all the way to face her, “No, I—I’m not. I just wasn’t expecting it. It’s different. But not bad. Really, I’m not….” She stopped herself before she let her rambling get too embarrassing.

Elliot smiled, “Then can I walk you back to campus?” He waited for her to step to him before walking.

“So, what’s your son’s name?”

“Bennett,” he said and glanced sideways at her, as if looking for her reaction.

“You said you had him when you were a teenager?”

“Yeah. She was a year older than me, but still it was rough. I don’t want to say he was a mistake… but he could have come a few years later,” he laughed and glanced at her again.

“At least you stayed. I don’t know a lot of guys my age who would do that.”

“I—” he looked down, his smile fading, “I wasn’t going to…I was scared out of my mind. Absolutely terrified. But I saw him and I had to stay.”

They spoke a bit more about Bennett, and when they’d gotten back to the dorms, they sat in the front room. He tried to get her off the topic, but Isabelle didn’t relent. She asked how he’d met his wife, how long they were together. He was 19, she was 20 when they had Bennett and they divorced when she had told him she’d fallen in love with someone else.

“We never really had that. Love, I mean. I mean I love Ben, but I was never really in love with Madeline. You can’t be with someone you don’t love.”

“I know,” she said, receiving a sideways glance from Elliot.

Then, she caught a glance of his watch and her heart jumped. They’d been sitting there for a long time, “What time is?” she asked urgently.

“Uh… one thirty.”

“Oh, God,” she jumped up. She had five minutes to get to class. Before she ran from the room, she paused in front of him. He was looking at her, a bit surprised, “I have to get to class. Thank you, for my tea.”

“No problem. I’ll see you.”

“Yeah,” she said and bolted to her room. With her books in hand, she ran back through the building, Elliot was no longer sitting in the front room.

As it was the first day of class, Isabelle wasn’t actually late. The professor spoke just as she slid into her a seat in the back. It was good today was just the first day. That class, she didn’t get much out of either, but it wasn’t lack of sleep which distracted her.

Elliot was in the forefront of her mind. The way he spoke about his son still made Isabelle smile. He really was so different from any other guy she had dated—the only other guy she had dated.

She hadn’t been looking to date anyone, but if that was what she was doing, Elliot was perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

“And what brings you today, Isabelle?”

The office was about as big as her dorm. The walls were painted dark purple and the furniture was black. Dr. Madden sat at his desk with his chair turned toward the couch, facing her. Isabelle laced her fingers together.

She hadn’t been sure why’d she’d come to see Dr. Madden, she could have found what she needed elsewhere. The campus had resources, but she didn’t want to go to someone at school. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping.”

“Ah, insomnia,” he said, scribbling down on his notepad.

“I can’t seem to turn my thoughts off,” she said, though he hadn’t asked.

“I see. Anything particular?”

Biting her lip, she shook her head, “It’s just thoughts.”

“I suppose I could prescribe something. But before I do that, I usually try to recommend less clinical solutions. Have you tried listening to music or taking an herbal supplement—”

“I don’t really have a lot of time to experiment. I just started classes two weeks ago and I’m already falling behind. I need to be able to concentrate.”

“Of course,” he said, sitting his notebook on the desk behind him. He didn’t fill out a prescription, but leaned back in his chair, “How are you liking school?”

“Um…it’s alright,” Isabelle said, still eyeing the notebook.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I just figured we have an hour, so…”

“Right,” Isabelle returned her gaze to her lap and took a deep breath. This wasn’t what she’d had in mind when she came. But if you come to a shrink, chances are they will want to talk.

“So you moved out here for school?”

“Yeah, my dad lives a couple hours away.”

“So, why not somewhere closer?”

“Scholarship,” she said simply.

Dr. Madden smiled, “There’s no need to be shy around me.”

That wasn’t the first time someone had told her that she was shy. It hadn’t always been the case. She still didn’t consider herself a recluse, but Gavin had changed her. She forced a small smile and shrugged, “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” he scribbled in his notebook and Isabelle worried she’d said the wrong thing. “So you’ve never had a problem sleeping before?”

“Um…”

“You said you were on scholarship. You could sleep well enough to keep your grades up before?”

“It’s really only been the past six months or so.”

“So the insomnia started before you came up here.”

“Yeah.”

“And are you eating regularly?”

“I—I try to.”

“Is that a no?” he said with a little knowing smile.

“I guess.”

Pausing, he rubbed his hands together, “What you’re describing could be a mild form of PTSD. Has anything traumatic happened in the last year?”

Isabelle’s hands clenched together in her lap. When she closed her eyes, she found herself shaking her head, “No.”

“Sometimes it helps to talk,” he said, seeing through her flimsy lie.

Without looking at him, she shook her head again. She knew it would help to talk, but there wasn’t someone she wanted to talk to. Dr. Madden was still a stranger and she couldn’t even bring herself to tell her father.

“Alright,” he nodded and, reaching behind him, tore her prescription from his pad. His chair creaked as he stood and as Belle took the slip from him, he smiled, “You can come talk to me, anytime.”

To be polite, Isabelle nodded, “Thank you.”

A quick knock sounded on the door and Dr. Madden looked at his watch—it was an oversized thing, the face of it looking far too large on his wrist, but it seemed to fit him. Dr. Madden, Isabelle thought, had more to him than the serene psychiatrist. His clothing matched, but in an odd way, his tie green on a dark blue shirt. The objects on his desk, a mismatched tea set, an old clock, and even the odd picture frame holding an image of his daughter revealed a more eccentric person behind closed doors.

“Lunch time,” he said opening the door.

Isabelle wouldn’t have looked up if Dr. Madden hadn’t said a very specific name, “Elliot, just give me one second.”

When she did glance up, he had already seen her.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hey.”

Dr. Madden was looking between them, “You two know each other?”

“Yeah, we’ve seen each other around,” he said, still smiling at her behind his glasses.

“Well, can we walk you out?” Dr. Madden asked, pulling a hat from the coat rack.

Isabelle stepped out in the hall next to Elliot. They paused, waiting for Dr. Madden to lock his office.

“I would have called you,” Elliot said, “But you never gave me your number.”

“Oh, it’s alright.”

When she didn’t speak again, Dr. Madden straightened, plopping his hat on top his head, “Forgive my intrusion, but I think Elliot is trying to hint that he wants your phone number.”

Elliot gave him a look, then smiled a bit at Isabelle.

“Oh, um,” she opened her bag and rummaged for a pen. Dr. Madden was faster. Retrieving a pen from his jacket, he handed it to her with a small roll of his wrist. Before she could go looking again for paper, Elliot had his hand held out to her.

The pen wrote with some difficulty on his skin but eventually, her phone number was inked on his palm.

“If you two would rather go to lunch…don’t let me hold you back.”

“No, we were—”

“Please, I insist. Ali will be glad to see me home for lunch. Isabelle, it was nice to meet you,” he gave her a small nod, then, patting Elliot on the shoulder, he left.

“Uh…” he turned back to her, “We don’t have to go to lunch if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’d like to,” she said, knowing she was lacking the real enthusiasm in her voice. She did want to go, but she was exhausted. It was already late afternoon. She was hoping maybe she could get to sleep before it got dark, but she was hungry too. When she thought back, she hadn’t eaten since the small dinner she’d had last night. “I’m starving,” she added, hoping to sound more excited.

They trailed in the direction Dr. Madden had gone and Isabelle picked at her nail polish. She usually wasn’t one to paint her nails, but there wasn’t much else to do at three in the morning. “You aren’t one of his patients, are you?”

“Geoff? No, his daughter goes to Ben’s school.”

“Oh,” Isabelle nodded and stuck her hands into her pockets. “This, uh, is the first time I’ve been here. I’m not—”

“You don’t have to explain. Or be embarrassed,” Elliot said, “I’ve talked to him too.”

“I just needed some sleeping medicine.”

“Oh,” he glanced over at her, “You do look a bit tired.”

“Thank you?”

“No! I mean…In a good way,” he said, laughing.

Isabelle had a much more pleasant time than she expected. They spoke about family, mostly he asked about hers, still hesitant to talk much on his son. They also talked a bit about school. Elliot had just started his PhD in communications. Her, barely starting her first year. She still hadn’t mustered up the courage to ask his age, but when she said that, he paused.

“You…” He bit his lip, “You’re eighteen…aren’t you?”

Nervously, she laughed, “Yes. Nineteen next month.”

The news seemed to relieve him greatly. “Good… uh, good.”

They sat for a while, talking about the latest books they were reading. The topic interested her to no end, but she couldn’t help but stifle a yawn and Elliot insisted he walk her back to her room. She was careful not to pause too long at her door, not wanting to think she wanted a kiss.

Instead, when she had the door open, he only gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder and left. Watching as he left, she stood in the hall. It wasn’t Elliot not kissing her, for that she was grateful, but a pat on the shoulder? Honestly, she was somewhat glad he hadn’t hugged her either or tried to kiss her cheek, but it seemed unusual. Wasn’t it normal for a man to want at least a hug?

Quickly, she locked herself into her room when she realized she was standing alone in the hallway. Isabelle yawned as she changed into her pajamas, but when she lay down, she stared up at the ceiling, feeling awake as ever. The prescription was still safely folded in her pocket. First thing tomorrow, she would get it filled.

While she lay there, she thought of Elliot, replaying all their conversations and the small moment in the hall.

Did she put out a vibe that she didn’t want to be touched? She wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of touching. Even hugging Elliot didn’t completely put her off. Kissing him…she bit her lip. She hadn’t thought of kissing anyone in months. It would be different from Gavin.

Isabelle whimpered when the thought entered her head. She should have gone straight to sleep. Now, she couldn’t get Gavin out of her head. She was exhausted, but still she couldn’t force herself to sleep. When she tried reading, the words blurred on the page and she curled on her side and waited for fatigue to descend.

***

Dr. Madden’s prescription helped, but not soon enough. She got her history exam back, receiving a D plus. She barely kept it together while she walked to the library. Never in her whole school career had she ever gotten less than a B on a test. Days and days had been spent in the library studying and she still had almost failed.

With jagged breathing, she pushed through the library doors. Ms. Potts’ desk was empty. Isabelle hugged herself and hurried up the stairs. There was a small alcove she’d found, more hidden than the chairs downstairs.

The books from her last visit were stacked where she’d left them. They didn’t look to be moved at all. She slumped into the leather armchair and tried to steady her breath.

She hated Gavin. Hated him. He haunted her sleep and even when she was awake, he was there.

The bottle of pills was in her back pack and Isabelle popped one in her mouth. They took a while to make her tired and while she waited, she would read herself into distraction. The book sitting on the top of the pile was the one she chose. It wasn’t incredibly interesting, but Belle would finish it because that’s what she did. There wasn’t a book she’d opened that she hadn’t finished.

Before she knew it, she’d fallen asleep. It wasn’t the Ms. Potts to wake her though. The strain in her neck from leaning back on the seat. The lights were off and she knew she wasn’t supposed to still be in here.

Rubbing her eyes, she stood. There were no lights on at all and, holding to the rail, she stumbled down to the first floor. The door she came to was locked, as she thought it might be. Sighing, she leaned against it. The clock on Ms. Potts’ desk said it was one –thirty. Isabelle couldn’t leave it unlocked for the rest of the night.

So she turned back to the library. It was beautiful in the dark. Calm. There was no sound, but her own footsteps as she sauntered through the tables back to the stairs. Just walking was enough to make her smile.

She was completely alone in a library in the middle of the night. The thought that she could do whatever almost made her giggle out loud. Because she could, she laid down right on the carpet in the center of the tallest bookshelves. At that, she did giggle, not bothering to muffle it behind her hand.

Her laughter died away and she stared at the ceiling and basked in it as if it were the sun. A few times her eyes traveled to look at the books. The entire time, she smiled. There were enough books here she could have built a fort, and she would have, had it not been for the complete happiness she felt just for lying there.

The thought made her smile wider and a few tears escaped. Happiness was not something she thought of much. She hadn’t actually considered herself happy since that night. She was always scared. And when she wasn’t scared, she just existed. There hadn’t been a memorable moment until right then that she felt pure joy.

But tonight she felt more than numb. She actually was happy to lay and stare at a countless number of books. She wasn’t sure whether she cried out of happiness or out of the realization of her lack of happiness. Lately, she cried so much, but this was different. She was able to keep thoughts of him away. Though she cried, it wasn’t from pain.

When she commanded her tears to cease, they actually stopped coming and didn’t come again.

Yes, she hated him. He was ruining her life and it was not acceptable. Isabelle had tried not to let it happen, but nevertheless, it had.

Next time with Elliot, if they ever went on a formal date, she could hug him. It wasn’t much and she didn’t think she would be able to kiss him, but hugging was doable. Kissing was still far, far out of her reach. Something told her it would be a long while until she could work her way up to that, let alone go further.

Go further?

She laughed, real laughter this time. The times she’d met Elliot were few and she could count them on one hand. Still, she wondered and couldn’t stop once the thought came into her mind. The physical difference between Elliot and him were striking and she knew if—a big if—they were to be intimate, he would be different.

Shaking her head, she made herself stop thinking of the subject. It was nice to think of Elliot and how gentle it would be, but Isabelle worried if she dwelt on it, she would ruin her night with thoughts of him.

Once her eyelids started to get heavy, she sat up, knowing she couldn’t be found here in the morning. Isabelle knew that she shouldn’t be here, but she didn’t know exactly how enforced those rules were. For all intents and purposes, she was trespassing. So, she crept back to the small arm chair and slept.

For the first time, she didn’t have nightmares. She was in the library, alone again. It was day, but still just as beautiful.

“Belle?”

The unfamiliar name was spoken by the voice she knew so well and she turned. “Elliot!”

He didn’t look surprised when she flung herself into his arms, but held her. His hands were soft, his arms were loose around her, not restraining at all.

“What’re you doing in here all by yourself?”

Belle pulled away and looked around the room, “Just enjoying it.”

“It is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It’s the most wonderful and amazing thing in the world.”

“Almost…” he said and, biting his lip, hide the fact his face went red.

“Was that a compliment? About me?”

Shyly, he glanced up, “Yeah.”

“Are you scared of me?” she asked coyly. She’d only meant to tease him, but he blushed again and cleared his throat. Belle stepped forward and took his hand, “I’m sorry, I was only joking.”

“I know. But I am,” he said, but added quickly, “Only a little bit.”

“Why?”

“I—I don’t know,” he said, shakily. He reached out and ran his fingers over her cheek, “Belle…Sweetheart, I…”

He leaned in, giving her enough time to ready herself. Closing her eyes, she let her lips connect with his and slipped her arms around his neck.

“Isabelle.”

A gentle shake of her shoulders and she was awake, still staring at the same Elliot, wearing mostly the same clothing, the same hair and the same glasses.

“Did you sleep here all night?” he asked, helping her to her feet. His hands felt the same as well.

“Oh, um…” she ran her fingers through her hair and nodded, “Yeah. I got locked in. What time is it?”

“Seven.”

Yawing, she nodded, “It’s actually a very nice place to sleep.”

“I’m sure,” Elliot chuckled and started leading her to the stairs, “That’s why you still look so tired.”

“No, that’s just because…” Belle stopped, and shook her head. “Thank you, for waking me up.”

“Someone would have done it sooner or later.”

“Well, it was nice to see your face first thing in the morning.”

He was a bit taken aback by the comment and laughed, awkwardly rubbing his fingers together. “Well…”

“Have you—” Belle started, “This is going to sound strange, but…have you ever called me Belle?”

“Uh…I don’t think so. I’m sorry if I—”

“No, I just had this dream…”

“About me?” He looked over at her, slyly.

Only her force of will kept her from looking at his lips, “You may have made an appearance.”

He opened his mouth, but when he spoke, Belle knew he rethought what he said, “…I can call you Belle, if you want.”

They had reached the end of the staircase and would soon emerge into the open first floor. Already she could hear people moving around. Belle nodded, “Yeah. I kind of like it.”

“Yeah, me too,” he looked just as hesitant to leave the stairs as she did. She held out her hand to him like she’d seen in old movies. He smiled and wrapped it around his arm, “Belle.”


	3. Chapter 3

“So how are your classes going?” Maggie asked, biting from her apple. She had called Belle that morning, saying her class had been cancelled and insisted they get breakfast. Belle actually felt hungry that morning and she agreed to go. The way she asked reminded Belle of how her father would have asked her.

“Good. I really love my literature class.”

“Who do you have?”

“Booth.”

Maggie laughed out loud, but stifled her giggles behind her fingers, “Oh god, I’ve heard things about him.”

“What kind of things…?”

“Like he and Ruby kind of…had a thing.”

“I thought you said she was with Archie.”

“Not exactly. She’s got a thing for Archie, but it’s not offical.”

“Are they still together?” Belle sipped her tea. It wasn’t scalding her mouth now and it was actually fairly good. “Ruby and Booth?”

“I don’t know. Ruby denies it and, well of course he denies it too, but I don’t think so,” Maggie looked at her apple and made a face before setting it down. It didn’t appear to have anything wrong with it, but Maggie looked up, “But what about you?”

“Me?”

“Mm hmm,” Maggie raised her eyebrow, “Elliot tells me that you’ve been seeing more than a little bit of each other.”

“Uh, I guess,” Belle could feel herself going red when she knew there was no reason for her to be embarrassed.

“But he didn’t say if you guys were ‘together’…”

Maggie waited for her, for an answer. Belle licked her lips as she set her muffin down. “Uh, well, we haven’t even had an official date yet…so I don’t think we’re ‘together’.”

“Do you want to be?” Maggie twirled the apple on her plate a few times, “Cuz I think he wants to be.”

“Oh,” Belle said, trying not to obviously avoid looking at her.

“But you don’t…”

“Well,” Belle paused. She had thought about dating Elliot—she was dating him, she supposed. Casually. But Belle wasn’t sure she wanted an official boyfriend. Not now. Not for a long time. She could barely stand bumping into someone, how was she supposed to handle a boyfriend who would expect hand-holding and kissing and… more?

“You don’t have to explain to me,” Maggie said.

“Well, it’s not that I don’t like him…I just wasn’t really wanting to date. Anyone. Not for a while, at least.” Belle looked at her tea, but she couldn’t bring her hands from her lap to reach for it. She shouldn’t have said anything.

“Ah. An ex?”

“…Yeah.”

“I think you should tell Elliot.” Her voice took on that mothering tone again, “I don’t think he’d ever push it, he’s kinda shy that way…but he may be getting the wrong idea.”

Belle nodded like a scolded child. “Yeah.” She stared down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap, unable to think of anything to say to break the silence.

“You know, David took a class once with Boothe,” Maggie said, nonchalantly changing the course of conversation. There wasn’t another awkward moment, but Belle knew Maggie was right. If she didn’t want to date Elliot, she was going to have to tell him.

They would have stayed longer, but their breakfast was finished and the small café was beginning to fill up. They were already starting to bid each other goodbye, but Belle’s phone rang.

It was Elliot’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” he said and cleared his throat. “Would—how are things?”

“Um, good. I’m just at breakfast with Maggie right now.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You do?”

“Well, I’m with David right now,” he answered hastily, sounding more and more awkward the longer he stayed on the phone. Belle couldn’t help but smile at how frantic he was sounding, “He’s actually the reason, well not the reason—uh…Do you want to go to dinner tonight? Or whenever you’re free?”

Belle’s smile faltered and she could see Maggie watching her, she’d paused with her purse in her hands.

“Like a date?”

“…yeah? Yeah, I guess.”

“Um…” Belle bit her lip “Sure. Tonight is good.”

“Really? Seven-thirty?”

“Yeah, seven-thirty.”

Belle slowly set her phone down on the table and breathed out. The answer came from her and she didn’t know why, but she wasn’t scared of it. She didn’t regret it.

“So you’re going out?” Maggie asked, her eyebrows raised and a small smirk on her face. “On an official date?”

“Mm hmm.”

“Do you want to go?”

“I do. I thought I didn’t, but…I think he—I like him.”

“And he likes you,” Maggie seemed to remember they were about to leave and she took that moment to stand. Belle followed and watched as Maggie arranged her scarf.

“I hope so. I mean we are going out on a date.”

“No,” Maggie giggled, “that isn’t what I mean. I just mean Elliot doesn’t ask girls out. I think he’s a little…intimidated by us. He must really like you.”

“He said David was the reason he was calling.”

Belle opened the door and the crisp air bellowed in, drowning out Maggie’s response. She didn’t repeat it and Belle didn’t ask.

“Did he say where you guys were going?”

“No, just dinner.”

“And what are you gunna wear?”

“Um…clothing?”

Maggie laughed and looped her arm through hers. Belle tensed a little, but managed not to pull away. “Can I come help you get ready?” She was smiling so widely that Belle nodded, making her clap her hands. “Good, then I’ll be over at six. We can do your hair and make-up and everything.”

“You really want to give me a makeover?” Maggie didn’t seem like the kind of girl to be so into all the girly stuff. Even Belle wasn’t very excited by it.

“It’s not a makeover. It’s just dressing up.”

“And you want to help with that?”

“Of course! Anything to help Elliot get his girl,” Maggie winked as she slipped her arm from Belle’s. She waved and hurried off toward her car. Belle’s class started in an hour and she spent the time at the library.

While there, she was careful to watch the time. Already this semester, she’d missed one class because she was distracted in the library. She left with twenty minutes to spare, but when the class started, it was difficult to pay attention to what the professor said. The class was interesting and she had read the book, but she couldn’t seem to concentrate on the discussion. Her thoughts were on Elliot.

She still didn’t regret saying yes to him, but her worries got the best of her. Dates could end dangerously; she knew better than anyone. Being alone with someone could be dangerous. Elliot appeared to be sweet, but Belle had thought Gavin sweet at first. Appearances could be dangerous.

But she had been alone with Elliot before. They’d been on ‘dates’. There was no reason to assume that he would be any different now that it was an official date. She wouldn’t cancel. She would go.

Her homework was a welcome distraction, easing her thoughts away from both Gavin and Elliot. The essay was due in a week and starting it now, she knew she’d have it done early. She sat on her bed going over notes with her laptop open to a blank word document.

A knock on the door brought her attention to the clock and she saw it was time. Maggie gushed over Belle’s closet, finally choosing the blue dress from her select few. Her hair took the longest, trying to get it to curl and pin it perfectly was difficult, but eventually it all fit together she was done up with ten minutes to spare.

“Is he coming here to get you?” Maggie asked while she packed her supplies back into her purse.

“Um…I think so,” Belle replayed their phone call. They hadn’t actually said where they were going or how they would get there. “He didn’t say. Should I—”

“No, he’ll probably show up here then,” Maggie slung her purse on her shoulder, “Which means I should go.”

“Wait, do you…could you wait with me?” Belle asked, fidgeting a bit with her hair. “I’m just a little nervous…”

Maggie gave her a sympathetic smile and put her hands on Belle’s shoulders, “There’s no reason to be nervous. You guys get along great.”

“I know. I haven’t dated in a long time, what if it—”

“Elliot hasn’t dated either,” Maggie assured her, “And if I know him, he’ll be more nervous than you are. So you’re gunna have to make sure to keep him talking. Or else it will get awkward.”

Belle laughed, “Okay. I can talk.”

“Then you’ll do fine.”

There was a quiet knock on the door again and Maggie beamed at her. Squeezing her shoulders once again, she released Belle and opened the door. Elliot looked surprised to see her, but she gave him a small pat on the arm and retreated, giving Belle another smile before turning away from the completely.

“Wow,” Elliot said, looking her over. He’d dressed up a little himself, wearing a white buttoned shirt and jeans with a suit jacket. He was smiling, his eyes crinkling at the edges behind his glasses. His gaze lingered nowhere inappropriate and he met her eyes again quickly. “Shall we?” he asked, holding out his arm for her.

Her heart beat wildly as she accepted and they made their way from her room. She’d refused to wear the heels Maggie had wanted to put her in. Now she was even more grateful for her decision. It would have been difficult to keep her balance when she was so distracted. Her knees were shaking the entire way to the car and when she finally sat in the passenger seat, she crossed her legs and sat on her hands.

The walk out had been quiet and it seemed Maggie was right. She would need to start the conversation. It wasn’t too hard. He was a little quiet as they started, but eventually he seemed to forget whatever nerves he had and was talking as he usually did.

Belle, however, had a more difficult time relaxing while they were alone in the car. If she could just make it to the restaurant, she knew she would be able to settle. She didn’t let it show, she didn’t want Elliot to know just how nervous she was being alone with him. Belle made herself be cheerful, laugh, talk with him about whatever he wanted to talk about. But it wasn’t until they were actually inside the restaurant, where it was crowded and light, did her responses become less forced.

They were told there would be a wait for a table and when they sat on a small bench outside, he apologized more than he needed to.

“I didn’t have time to reserve a place,” he said as he sat next to her, “I should have given more notice.”

“It’s fine,” she said with a smile.

“A-are you cold?” he asked and looked as if he was going to shrug off his jacket. Belle stopped him.

“No. I’m fine, really.”

Still, for a second, he paused, his hands at the buttons of his jacket. Belle leaned back against the wall and looked at him. “What made you call today?”

“Um,” he laughed and leaned back, mirroring her position. “I wanted to see you.”

Belle smiled at him as he blushed only the tiniest bit. “But Maggie says you don’t date.”

“No, I—I haven’t for a while,” Elliot rubbed his neck and laughed. “But I haven’t met anyone I wanted to in a while. And you? Are you swarmed with dates every night?”

Belle shook her head. “I haven’t dated much either.”

“Then I guess I should be honored,” he said. His eyes looked to her hands resting in her lap and, though his own made a small movement, he didn’t go to take her hand. Belle bit her bottom lip. She supposed there was no harm in letting him hold her hand. She had held hands with her father when she was a child. It was nothing she should fear.

So Belle held out her hand to him and he gave her a sheepish smile as he took it, interlacing his fingers with hers. For a moment, his fingers were restless, his thumb rubbing against hers, but she started speaking again, bringing calmness back to him.

Their table was ready within fifteen minutes and as they walked in, she felt strange holding Elliot’s hand. Though no one really took notice of them, she felt as if she were announcing to the world they were on a date, that they were together.

The waiter led them to a booth, where they dropped each other’s hands to sit across from each other. Belle had never been to the restaurant and Elliot recommended a few pastas, leaning over to show point at her menu. He didn’t take her hand again, but sat with his hands under the table in his lap.

If she’d sat next to him, would he have taken her hand again? Should she have sat next to him? They were on a date and dates sat close to each other, didn’t they? Belle had taken no thought as to where she should have seated herself.

They waited for the food and Belle asked him what it was like in Scotland. It was a subject that kept him talking even after they received their food. It was nice to let him speak unprompted for a while. She liked to listen to him. His voice was pleasant and when he spoke uninterrupted, his accent became more pronounced. He spoke of his father and even of his son once, mentioning he was planning to take Ben before he started high school.

In turn, he asked her what she remembered of where she grew up. It wasn’t much. Mostly she remembered the beaches. Her father had tried to teach her to surf once, but it had ended badly with a sprained knee and a fear of water. Though, living away from it for all these years, she missed the ocean.

When Elliot asked her if she planned to go back, she took a moment to think. She hadn’t ever thought on it with much thought. It wasn’t her home now, but it would be nice go to back. Maybe if she couldn’t start her new life here, she would be able to there.

She hadn’t realized she had been talking for so long until their plates were cleared. Elliot offered to buy her dessert, but she had eaten her fill. As they walked back to the car, Elliot managed to slip his fingers back through hers and walked close to her side in the parking lot.

It was brightly lit, but Belle still felt anxiety creep back into her. She hated herself for it. Hated that she couldn’t trust Elliot, when she knew he would be nothing but a gentleman. The dinner had been good. There had been no distractions, only the two of them.

He opened the car door for her and the ride back to her dorm was much less tight than it had been before. Belle had resumed the awkward posture with her hands under her legs again, but still tried to keep herself cheerful.

No matter how hard she tried, when Elliot stopped the car, her stomach tightened in fear. There was no one nearby. A million different scenarios played through her mind, in all of which she could scream and no one would hear her.

Again as Elliot exited the car, she hated herself for them. Seeing him as that kind of monster wasn’t fair. How could she ever suspect him of something so horrible? When he smiled at her, oblivious to her thoughts of him, she almost apologized right then and there. Belle slipped her hand through his, a small gesture to assure herself she would not see him as a villain.

Inside, she felt much safer. There were a few people gathered in the common room, including Ruby who eyed them and winked at Belle as they walked to her room. Any suspicions she had would be dissolved when Elliot left alone, still Belle didn’t like what Ruby might have been thinking.

“Well, thank you for dinner,” she said at the door. He was fidgeting again with her hand.

“Yeah. Hopefully, it wasn’t too…dull,” he said with a smile, but Belle could tell he was worried she hadn’t enjoyed herself.

“It was anything but dull. I had fun. I wouldn’t be opposed to going again sometime,” she said honestly.

“Then maybe I’ll ask you again,” he smiled slyly and when he dropped her hand, he hesitantly—awkwardly—went to put his arms around her. She knew she was stiff when she lifted her arms around him. It was too close. Too smothering.

It shouldn’t have been. Elliot felt nothing like Gavin when he wrapped his arms around her. He smelt nothing of Gavin. But all she could recognize was the pressure on her back, the way he pressed against her front. The memory of that night flooded everything else from her and when Elliot finally pulled away, she could barely bid him goodbye.

Even an hour after she’d taken her sleeping pills, she could not rest. Books didn’t distract her and she finally lay back in her bed, not caring anymore to try and distract herself. By midnight, she was sobbing and trying to stifle it in her pillow, reliving the entirety of it in every single detail.

She hated that she was so weak. She hated that she could barely hug her date. And she wanted to get better. She wanted to be stronger, braver. Tomorrow she would call Dr. Madden again. Telling someone scared her more than anything and the thought brought the flow of tears to a crescendo. How could she bring herself to tell him? Would she be brave enough to actually tell him?

She could be strong in the morning, but now, she couldn’t find anything left in her to make her brave. For now, she hugged her pillow close and wept until there was nothing left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will discuss the rape a bit more directly. Nothing too graphic, but just be warned.

The clock on her phone said Belle was still five minutes early. Even the last three times she’d come to see Dr. Madden, she never seemed to be able to get there less than fifteen minutes early. Belle didn’t know if he already had a session scheduled, but he hadn’t the past few times.

Elliot hadn’t met Dr. Madden here since her first appointment, which was a good thing. Despite the assurance that Dr. Madden would say nothing to Elliot, Belle didn’t know how comfortable she felt with being forced to remember that her doctor was best friends with the guy she dated. But he’d assured her he never spoke of her to him and he never brought her up to keep it as professional as possible.

Finally, the door opened and Dr. Madden smiled at her as he ushered her inside. She sat on the couch, folding her arms. She’d never really gotten over how awkwardly formal this experience could be. Dr. Madden did try to put her at as much ease as he could, but she still felt stiff as she sat down.

“So,” he said, sighing as he sat. “How was your week?”

“Okay.”

“Any nightmares?”

Nodding, she looked at her lap, “Three.”

“Well, that’s down from last week. That’s good,” he said. He set his notebook down on the table before him. It helped Belle feel less awkward when he finally released it. But when they talked of this, it was never pleasant.

“Anything new?”

“No.”

“Did you write them down, like I asked?”

At that, Belle tried not to look guilty, but she still fidgeted, “…No.”

“I see,” Dr. Madden rested his elbows on the chair arms and waited for her to explain.

“I don’t like remembering them. And writing them down…it’s like I just can’t forget.”

“I understand,” he nodded and crossed his legs, “But forgetting isn’t really…” he bit his lip. This was not the first time he’d done this—stop to try and think of the right word. Belle wondered if he worried about offending her. Dr. Madden’s eyebrows furrowed and he spoke again, looking at the ceiling, “working through it. I don’t think forgetting is really the answer you’re looking for.”

“No…” Belle sighed. It would be easier to forget, to push that night away and bury it under everything. But she could have done that without Dr. Madden. She really did not want to simply forget. She wanted to move past it. To ‘work through it’. And it was going to be difficult.

“And are you remembering to eat?”

“Yeah. The timer is helping.”

“I thought it might,” he said, sitting forward to scribble in his notebook. Without looking up, Dr. Madden asked, “And you went on your date?”

“Yeah.”

“And how was it?”

“Um…good…”

Dr. Madden squinted at her, chewing on the tip of his pen, “Really? It sounds like more not good than good.”

“No, it was…” she started, but stopped. He always called her out on her flimsy lies and she knew either or way she would end up telling him. Belle pulled at her sleeves and cleared her throat, “Elliot is…he’s…I’m not ready to be physical with him.”

“And he’s pressuring you?”

“No,” Belle assured him. “He’s great. I think he just assumes it’s because I don’t like him.”

“Have you told him that you do like him?”

“I—it would lead to other stuff and I would have to tell him. And I don’t know how he…”

“You think he would…what? Want to stop seeing you?”

“I don’t know… he would see me different?”

“Well, you don’t have to tell him. It’s not—”

“We haven’t kissed yet,” Belle blurted out, cutting off whatever reassurance he was about to offer. “It’s been almost a month and a half. And I still can’t kiss him.”

“Do you want to be physical with him?”

Belle bit her lip. It was something she definitely had thought of. It would be nice to hug him again. Kiss him, walk arm in arm. The last time, when she thought back on it now, was perfect. She deprived herself of contact for so long, she’d forgotten what it was to have someone hold her instead of restrain.

She did want more than what they had already and she nodded, “I do. I think I…might be falling for him.”

Dr. Madden smiled, “I think taking things at your own pace is perfectly fine.”

Belle nodded. “I have another date with him tonight.”

“Well, don’t stress yourself out. You don’t have to say or do anything you’re not ready for.”

***

Her phone was ringing when she got back to her room. She’d forgotten it on the bed, under the loose pile of papers and textbooks.

It was her father calling.

“Hey, dad,” she said, clearing a place to sit.

“Isabelle!” he greeted, cheerfully drawing out her name. Grimacing, she pushed the books to the foot of her bed.

“Dad, you know, I’m kinda going by just Belle now.”

There was just a second’s pause, “Belle, huh? I like it. We used to call you that when you were little. Then you wanted to be all grown up and have a ‘big girl name’. Why the sudden change?”

Belle swallowed, “I just wanted something new.”

“Well, at least you didn’t go and get your nose pierced or something,” he laughed. “So, how’re all your classes going?!”

“Good, they’re good,” she said as she lay back. It was good to hear his voice. While she hadn’t actually been homesick, she missed her father. She even missed Emma and Henry. Belle should have called him before now. She knew that he must miss her even more and she felt guilty about neglecting him.

“How are things at home?” she asked, nestling herself under the blankets.

“Good! Emma just got a promotion.”

“Really, what’s she do now?”

“She’s the actual sheriff now,” he said and even over the phone she could hear how proud he sounded.

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, and guess who’s back in town?” he said, sounding excited, “Gavin!”

Belle couldn’t have thought of anything to say even if she could have found the breath to do so. Her entire chest and stomach seemed to be knotted together and her hands seemed to go lose all circulation.

“Yeah, he came over for dinner on Thursday,” her father continued. “He said you never actually told him goodbye.”

Belle swallowed a few times so she could answer a simple, “No.”

“He says he misses you. Maybe you should call—”

“What else did you tell him,” she asked, suddenly feeling very frantic. Had he told Gavin where she was? What school she went to? If he knew it was only a matter of time before he came looking for her. She would be defenseless in this tiny room and the flimsy lock wouldn’t even slow him down.

“Nothing, sweetheart,” Graham assured her, but it did little to calm her. “I figured you would have told him if you wanted him there. Isabelle, did something happen with him? I didn’t think you guys had broken up.”

“Um…no. Dad, I—I have to go.”

“Wait, honey, you would tell me if something were wrong?”

“I have to go, I’ll talk to you later,” she said and as she took her ear away from the phone, she heard him say ‘I love you’ before she ended the call. Suddenly feeling very sick, Belle rolled onto her side, hugging her stomach. She knew rationally that he would never find her. He was tied down to his father’s business, already going to school two hours away. Everything inside her doubted it though.

She didn’t try and get out of bed; she knew she would throw up if she moved. So she only laid there, arms rubbing her stomach with her eyes closed, and tried to push away horrible memories. She didn’t cry, which surprised her. After the one long night of crying over him, she told herself there would be no more tears for him, but she hadn’t really thought there would be no more.

He could make her sick, he could make her worried, he could even scare her, but she was done crying over him. Crying because she felt weak or ashamed or disgusting, she was none of those things and she was done with it.

The feeling still crept into her, but she knew now that they were not true. They were things he had said to her, engrained into her keeping her quiet.

This. This was what she’d been waiting for. This was what Dr. Madden had been trying to tell her for weeks. And suddenly, it all fell into place. Everything he’d told her had been a lie and she had nothing to blame herself for.

A quiet knock on the door made her start. Shakily, she rose to her feet and slowly opened the door. When she peered out, Elliot stood in the hallway and he smiled at her.

“Here, I—” he held out a rose to her, but trailed of when he saw her bare feet and tousled hair. “Sorry, I thought we said six…” he looked at his watch but Belle shook her head.

“No, we did. I was just feeling a little sick,” she said.

“Oh,” his hand fell, letting the rose hang at his side. But he didn’t look too disappointed and she smiled.

“I feel a bit better now,” she said. It was true. Her stomach still felt a bit unsteady, but the panic of before had faded. Belle wanted to go with him and stop thinking of this. Her realization made her excited to get out. She eyed the rose in his hand and he flicked it up to her.

“Yes, uh, here.”

Belle smiled as she took it from him, and when she put it to her nose she only half inhaled, afraid the smell might make her stomach worse. When she locked the door, he offered his hand to her and she took it, a little less hesitantly than before. Still, when his phone rang in the parking lot and they stopped, Belle couldn’t help but look around warily of her surroundings. It was dark, and though Elliot was with her, she didn’t like that they had stopped out in the open.

“Madeline?” he asked, giving her an apologetic look. Belle recognized the name.

Elliot didn’t speak much of his ex-wife to her, but she could guess that things weren’t great between them. He’d told her that he’d never been in love with her and by the frustrated look on his face, it looked like their marriage hadn’t ended amicably.

“What? Now? I’m not supposed to pick him up until tomorrow,” Elliot said, half turning away from her. “Of course I want to see him, I just—” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Fine.”

Obviously irritated, he snapped off his phone. He turned to her, and before he could speak, she nodded, “Your son.”

“Yeah… she has a date tonight.”

“Ah,” Belle said, nodding. She wasn’t sure what he was going to say next. This was his son, someone he seemed very protective about. Surely he wouldn’t want her to come; he would walk her back to her dorm and they would end the night with their usual squeeze of the hand and she would be left alone. The thought scared her. She’d had some kind of liberation before, but even now standing in the dark, she was scared. If she went back, who knows what she might sink back into? But she would do it. She would never insist on pushing herself into his life with his son.

“If you want me to walk you back…” he said, looking around at the dorms.

“Yeah,” she said grimly.

“Yeah, I know spending a night with Ben isn’t exactly a good date activity.” Elliot started walking, but Belle paused. Did that mean he thought she wouldn’t want to? He turned to look at her, “You wouldn’t want to spend the night with my son…”

“Well…I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time with your son.”

“You wouldn’t,” he said quickly, sounding almost hopeful. “You could come if you wanted to.”

“Sure, yeah.”

“Okay.” Elliot was smiling as he took her hand again.

Belle had never been to Elliot’s house before and she wasn’t exactly sure what she was expecting, but when they came to a small, pink house she smiled. Elliot didn’t notice; his eyes were on the black car sitting in the driveway.

Sighing, he put parked his own car next to it, lining Belle’s seat up with the driver. She was a pretty woman: Elliot’s age, brown hair, blue eyes, a little angry looking. The woman immediately pushed open the door, eyeing Belle suspiciously.

She stayed sitting in the car, unsure if her getting out would only make things worse. But after only a few words with the woman, Elliot waved her out. Madeline was opening the back seat, giving Belle a chance to make it to Elliot’s side and watch as Ben stepped from the car.

He was an average looking boy. His hair was cut just below his ears, and he slung a backpack over his shoulder.

“Well, are you going to invite us inside?” Madeline asked, as she handed Ben a sweater. His eyes immediately went to Belle. Though he didn’t scrutinize her, he looked curious and confused.

“Well, um…alright,” Elliot stepped forward to put an arm around his son. Madeline planted herself between Elliot and Belle, leaving her to trail behind them. Once they were inside, Elliot turned to look for her and smiled, “Ben, this is Belle.”

“Hey,” he said, nodding at her.

“Hi.”

“Uh, Ben, why don’t you take Bell to the kitchen and start some dinner,” Elliot said and raised an eyebrow at his son.

“Kay,” Ben waited for Belle to nudge her way through to him before starting for the kitchen. Even after they’d come to the kitchen he didn’t speak. He went straight to the fridge while Belle set her purse on the counter. The conversation between Elliot and Madeline was still loud enough to hear. They were talking about her.

“What is she doing here?”

“We had a date.”

“So you just decide to bring her home to fuck while your son is here?”

Ben paused at the fridge, his eyes darting to the door. For only a second, he looked at her as well, making her blush deeply.

“No, we’re not…physical,” she heard him say.

“Is she even legal?”

“She’s nineteen.”

“Oh my god—”

“So,” Belle started, not wanting to listen to their conversation any longer. “What grade are you in?” She almost winced at that question. She sounded so awkward and embarrassed and like she was trying too hard to get to know him.

“Uh, seventh.” Ben closed the fridge without making eye contact with her. He held a carton of eggs and a brick of cheese.

“What’s your favorite class,” Belle said as she sat, trying to sound more conversational.

“English.”

“Yeah, that’s my favorite too. My literature class is my favorite.”

For the first time, he looked up and smiled, “I love reading.”

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Moby Dick,” he said, sounding very assured.

“Moby Dick? Wow, I know I didn’t have that read when I was your age.”

“Yeah, Dad read part of it to me,” he said. Belle couldn’t help but smile at his use of ‘dad’. It was strange finally seeing Elliot like this. For as long as she’d known him, he’d only ever been Elliot, her date. Now, he was Elliot, the ex-husband, father, homeowner. It was strange, but not in a bad way. “What’s your favorite book?”

“Oh, I don’t think I could pick one. I’ve read so many great ones. I like the adventure ones, though.”

“Like Moby Dick?” Ben asked enthusiastically.

“Exactly like that.”

The door opened behind them and Elliot came in. “So, what are we having tonight?”

“Omelets,” Ben said, holding up the carton of eggs.

“Ah,” Elliot slipped into the barstool next to her, giving her a smile. Though she tried to return it, Belle didn’t quite manage it. The words he’s said to his wife, ‘we’re not physical”, stuck with her. His voice had sounded…Belle couldn’t quite place exactly what had been in his voice. He wanted some kind of intimacy just as badly as she did.

Was it hurt that she’d heard—rejection?— or acceptance that she didn’t want him? Maybe it had been both. Either way it made her feel awful. It had nothing to do with him, it wasn’t his fault. And it hadn’t been fair to him, to let him believe it was.

“No, Ben, that’s too much oil.” Elliot pushed himself to his feet and took the pan from his son. Belle watched as he wiped up the bottom of the pan, not really paying attention to the trivial talk of the food or of Ben’s life. They were so engaged in each other, Belle barely spoke, but she didn’t mind it. She liked seeing Elliot like this, ruffling his son’s hair, pushing a finger behind his glasses while chopping onions. Everything about it was perfect.

When they finally sat down to eat, Ben turned his attention away from his father to Belle. “So, you’re my dad’s girlfriend?”

“That’s, uh, we’ll discuss it later,” Elliot said as he poured his son a glass of water.

“So should I make sure and knock in the morning?” he asked, bluntly.

Elliot almost choked on the bit of omelet he’d stuck in his mouth, but Belle smiled. It wasn’t a straight out question if they were sleeping together, but the meaning was perfectly clear.

“Ben, that—that’s not really—” Elliot sputtered.

“No, I’m not staying over,” she said. “I’m just here for dinner. Which is delicious, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Ben nodded as he chewed what had been on his fork. “So—”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, son,” Elliot said quietly, concentrating on his plate.

Swallowing loudly, he started again, “So, what’s college like?”

The breath of relieve which escaped Elliot was audible and Belle tried not to smile. He was a bit tense the rest of the night, waiting for another awkward question from the boy, but the conversation stayed away from their relationship. Belle liked college well enough. There was a book coming out the next day and Ben wanted to be at the bookstore first thing in the morning. Elliot’s classes were going well. Ben was excited for when he could finally go to high school. Elliot was less enthused.

The empty plates sat before them as they talked and, feeling like she’d done nothing to help prepare, Belle started to gather the dishes. Elliot started to stand but she put a hand on his shoulder, “I’ve got it.”

Still, he stood and carried over Ben’s plate, he looked at his watch then turned to Ben as he trailed behind him, “Time for bed, son.”

“What? No, tomorrow’s Saturday,” Ben protested.

“I thought you wanted to go to the bookstore tomorrow.”

“Oh…yeah, but I can just—”

“No, I’m not taking you if you stay up late. You’ll be cranky the whole day.”

Ben’s shoulders sagged, but he nodded, “Okay. Night, Belle,” he called as he trudged up the stairs.

“Night!” she called from the sink. Most of the dishes were clean, but Elliot came up beside her to try and find some way to help. As she let the water drain, she wiped her hands on the nearest clean towel and turned to see Elliot watching her.

“I’m sorry about tonight,” he said.

“Don’t be. It was fun.”

Elliot laughed once, shuffling his feet, “Well, I could take you home…or you could stay…and we can talk,” he added quickly.

It shouldn’t have been such a big decision. It wasn't as if he was asking her to sleep with him, but she knew that once she’d said she would stay, she would tell him everything. Her heart pounded as she nodded, “Let’s talk.”

At first, he wanted to sit at the table, but she didn’t want to sit in the cramped chairs again. They were hard and cold and she couldn’t do it sitting there. When she asked for somewhere his son wouldn’t be able to hear, he blinked a few times, confused, but he led her to the family room in the back of the house.

This hadn’t been what he was expecting. Whatever he’d thought, it hadn’t been a formal conversation and he sat rigidly on the couch. Belle sat beside him, trying to stop her heart from beating so quickly. She’d hoped that it might be easier to tell people after she’d told Dr. Madden, but telling Elliot was already so much more difficult.

He looked straight ahead at a small landscape painting across the room.

“I heard what you said to your wife,” Belle said, starting out simple.

“My ex-wife,” he assured her.

Nodding, Belle continued, “I heard what you said to her.”

“About what?”

“About how we haven’t…” She didn’t need to finish. Elliot focused his gaze more intently and tried to laugh.

“You heard that?”

“Yes. I...but it’s not—” Fear made Belle stumble over her words. They even jumbled in her head and she had to take a breath to reorder what she wanted to say. “I don’t want you to think that it’s because I don’t like you. I do want to—there’s something that—” And suddenly her words failed her all together. Her mind was completely blank and when Elliot looked at her, she ducked her face away from him.

“You don’t have to say it,” Elliot said with a sigh. “We don't have to date. We can just stay friends.”

“No, that’s not what I was going to say. I have feelings for you.”

Elliot smiled, but before he could say anything, Belle spoke. Her words came to her from nowhere, but they fit together coherently. “I had a boyfriend before I moved out here. He was the quarterback, the popular guy, and I was his tutor.”

As she spoke, she could feel Elliot watching her. “He wanted to get a hotel room. On prom night.” Belle took a breath, refusing to let her fear stop her from saying what needed to be said. “I said no. That I wasn’t ready. But he…He…” her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes, clutching her hands together to stop them from trembling, “He didn’t care that I didn’t want to.”

After it was out, the fear in her stomach didn’t leave. She didn’t move or look at Elliot, the few times he took in a breath to speak. Eventually, he only said two words, “I’m sorry.”

Belle chanced a look at him, but what she saw surprised her. He wasn’t looking at her, but in his lap. But she could still see that he genuinely looked apologetic, not as if he were only saying he was sorry, but truly apologizing. When he finally did look at her, the crippling fear eased in her.

What had she been expecting to see from him? Pity, disgust, anger? Right now, looking at him, she couldn’t remember. Right now, looking at him, she only saw one thing. Love.

And it made her breath catch in her throat.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

Blinking, she looked away from him, “It’s getting better. Easier to handle. But then my dad called today and Gavin was asking about me and…”

“Hey,” he reached out, resting his palm on her two hands locked together. Now, it seemed his words had left him. He was looking for something to say to assure her she wouldn’t be hurt again. Nothing was coming to him, and he squeezed her hands.

“I…” She didn’t give herself time to think on it, but she leaned forward, closing the gap between them. Elliot gave a little sound of surprise, but kissed her back. His hands flitted over her, restlessly trying to find an acceptable place to rest. In the end, Elliot settled on hand on her elbow, the other returning to interlock his fingers with hers.

Belle could feel her own lips trembling against his, but she didn’t pull away. The rim of his glasses pressed into the bridge of her nose, his hand tightened around her fingers, and eventually, he separated from her to take in a breath. A small giggle escaped her as he pressed his forehead to hers. He smiled too, running his hand up her arm.

“Is this…” Elliot unwove his fingers to place his hand on her neck, “Is this alright?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling as she pressed her lips to his, because it was. Everything with him was alright.

~END~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!! This is one of my favorites!!


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